What is possible if I dare to act like it is true?
So today started off as one of those… not so good days.
I sat last night with a friend wondering if at 37 I should be focusing more on my family and “making money” vs. living my dream. I am constantly presented with amazing opportunities to make great money doing stuff I don’t love. And then also presented with the inner inspired side of myself wondering if this is the year I am going to step FULLY back on the path of my true journey… and take the risk even without knowing the ending.
Ugh, even sharing this on my blog feels WRONG… especially this blog. I am the person people come to to get inspired, to find their purpose and to live passionate lives. . This website is all about living CONSCIOUSLY CREATIVE! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the stuff I am doing via ShaunaHarper.com and this site as well.
But as a serial entrepreneur that has started many different ventures, I am often lured by stuff I can teach vs. stuff my heart and soul “sings to do”. Furthermore, when I was single without the concerns of family and raising kids, it was much easier to ride down a flight of stairs on my mountain bike, and take the leaps you need to take to let your heart “sing”.
Well, instead of secretly going through this journey, I have decided to share it with you. First off, because it terrifies me to share…and secondly because I learned again today, from a friend going through being a first time mom, when we cocoon our feelings, we start to believe we are the only ones that have ever experienced them.
I know I am not the first (or last) creative person to be on the journey to once again re align with her purpose.
Letting go of things I CAN do … and replacing them with things I LOVE To do seems to be an ongoing ritual in my life. Just because you CAN do them, doesn’t mean you should. And today… I realize the Universe is only mirroring back to me what I send out.
Through the Mondo Beyondo course, Jen wrote “What is possible if I dare to act like it is true?” Those words really hit home for me.
In my early years, I must admit I was less cautious at taking risks and diving into my purpose. I walked around with a silent faith after getting a second lease on life that anything I wanted was possible…and I acted like everything was already true even before it happened.
I remember moving from an 800 sq ft artist work loft to a 1500 sq ft 2 level loft that was double the price. My company did not have the revenue yet to support the higher lease payments… But I acted like everything was already true… and sure enough, within less than 6 months we raised our sales another $100,000 and grew right into the space like I knew we would.
Then a few years later when my then boyfriend (later to become my husband) and drove by our dream home and stumbled into the open house… we walked through the beautiful house with 23 stain glass windows, mahogany wainscoting and not 1 but 4 balconies, we chuckled at the thought that we would ever be able to own such a place.
But there was that silent faith again that started the motions of “what if” …we would qualify for the mortgage, be able to pay the payments, flip our existing townhome for something that we thought we would never own…and well, of course that happened like magic too.
But then something happened… as a real homeowner of a “house”, not a condo, townhouse or investment property…or perhaps it was becoming the “Mrs” with a new last name…. and definitely when I became the mother of 2 beautiful children… the fearless, courageous and brave side slowly slipped away with the excuses of having to grow up, be serious, be cautious and be reasonable.
So the last 5 years, the grown up adult version of Shauna has wondered why the Universe keeps on mirroring back opportunities that don’t make my heart sing.
Well… I get it… It has finally come clear… the safety net that I thought was “protecting” me… the stuff I do to make sure even if my creative business isn’t making money I still have something to fall back on…. is actually doing everything but that.
Instead, the message I am sending out to the Universe is, “I want to trust you, but I don’t quite, so I have this safety net of jobs that I don’t really love but that provide me great income… you need to prove to me that my journey will be fruitful and worth it before I let go of my safety net.”
So what does the Universe keep mirroring to me?
Choice… a) great income doing stuff I don’t love… OR b) a path that seems a little unclear, a little cluttered with the unknown, but full of possibility, joy and love… And the whisper of … you trust first and I will show you what life can truly hold for you.
I sit at the end of my day with a massive AHA…that if I was clear at ONLY going towards the soulful and heart filled work, the Universe would mirror ONLY the 2nd choice.
So with that, I dig around for the courage to choose me first, to choose the soulful, and heart filled work…and to say NO to the opportunity to do work I CAN do… and replace it for work I WANT to do.
What is possible if I dare to act like it is true?
Can I have a solo art show with all my creative obsessions, quirks, idiosyncrasies showing up… including my turquoise couch? Can I make a living inspiring others to trust their intuition and creative energy to create an abundant life worth living? Can I create a community of creatives that come together to dance in the energy of possibility?
Well, I guess we will see… since today I am going to dare to act like it is already true. I hope you’ll continue the journey with me and see what unfolds.
Much much love for reading my blog. From my heart to yours,
PS. If this post resonates with you, please share your thoughts below.